Rachel's Story - the fear of being ridiculed, called out, humiliated, called lazy, being made to look like a fool.

Around 2011/12 I was at the all time peak of my stress & overwhelm. I had just launched my second business and enrolled in my first $36k mastermind. Everything looked to be going swimmingly on the outside but one look under the hood and you would have seen a totally different scenario! Frantic, stressed AF, overwhelmed and the fear of losing it all, was ALL consuming.

My entire self worth was wrapped up in how the business was growing, how many clients we had impacted and how “busy” I was.

Yet I was both too ignorant and too arrogant to recognise it. I was 27ish and also did enjoy a party. So that was quite the combination of chronic stress and hangovers. Work hard, play hard and all that!

I was riddled with imposter syndrome…

Perfectionism…

Overthinking & over analysing… 

And underneath it all… the fear of being ridiculed, or called out, or humiliated, or called lazy, or being made to look like a fool.

I would work insane hours because I had to prove myself…

Sitting at my laptop in my fancy-schmancy “ergonomic chair”  which I would slump forward on my desk, glass of red wine also if it was after 4pm, but getting absolutely nothing done… the procrastination was real. 

The stress became so overwhelming but I was convinced that the problem was the business. 

The service to clients wasn’t good enough, my impact wasn’t big enough, I wasn’t qualified enough or I didn’t know enough or the business wasn’t making enough money as I had “expected” to be doing $1m in revenue by then. 

Expectations didn’t meet reality and looking back I’m not exactly sure what I was “expecting to be my reality” when nothing was ever good enough when I had my old mate “perfectionism” as a noose around my neck! I just obsessed over it… It all wasn't good enough so I worked on the business more and more.

Until I literally burned out - I gave myself adrenal fatigue and a cluster of hormonal imbalances; gut problems through stress, a torn hamstring and the constant feeling of “not enough-ness”...

I was exhausted…

I had brain fog…

The excessive bloating and water retention…

Feeling like s**t….

My mind and body were deteriorating fast.

I went to a psychologist…

I went to a monk to learn how to meditate…

Then I found myself with a Shaman’s as he was banging a drum around my head, asking me what my spirit animal guide was… (I still don’t know.)

I felt like nobody “got” me either. 

Nobody I spoke to understood the innate drive that entrepreneurs have. They just DIDN’T GET IT! We are wired differently. 

I couldn’t reconcile being driven and ambitious, while figuring out how to stop the self destructive cycle of stress & overwhelm.

How could I swing for the fences and go big, without burning myself out? Quitting or getting a 9-5 was not an option for me. Funny, it never even entered my mind. Neither did downsizing. 

Over the years and spending well over $400k on my personal and professional education;  I learned that stress was 100% self imposed and 100% my responsibility. An expensive but worthwhile lesson. 

Not the business… 

Not my clients…

Not cashflow…

Not the endless to do lists…

Not the unsolved problems… 

Not the unforeseen setbacks… 

Not the uncertainty… 

It was entirely ME. MYSELF & I. 

MY relationship to the events of life…

MY relationship to business…

MY relationship to success and how I defined it…

MY relationship to uncertainty…

MY relationship to myself.

Burnout is not a business problem. It is a MINDSET problem.

Sometimes you have to go through a few cycles of overwhelm - burnout - escape - repeat (just like I did) before you finally accept that your business will only grow to the next level when YOU grow to the next level. 

I am grateful I learned to hustle and work damn hard. Because at times, that is still required in running a business. I just no longer live my life in that frantic state. I’m glad that I did though. I can sit here now and tell my story and accelerate the success of others, but I'll tell you…It’s a trap and a prison that you made for yourself. 

A trap that you can be free from before you are in an abysmal state of health physically and emotionally, your spouse hates you and your children do not know who you are. 

Business as an A-Player has seasons. There are seasons to grow, hustle & sprint and then seasons to renovate, reflect and review. You need to be comfortable in both, not just seeking the adrenaline and dopamine hits of the former.