This one issue will cause you to sabotage yourself in most everything you value.
It will cause you to yo-yo on and off the wagon with your diet because you can’t get it perfect.
It will prevent you from creating and experiencing the intimacy you crave.
It will hold you back in your career or your business.
IT IS THE FEAR OF BEING JUDGED, CRITICISED AND WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU!
Ironically, when you are afraid of being judged, it causes you to become judged EVEN MORE!
What do you do to avoid the fear of being judged?
Are you perfectionist? Do you want to get everything perfect and look perfect so that nobody can pick holes in you? In which case you’ll tend to over-analyse and people will judge you for being crazy and high maintenance!
Are you a people pleaser? Do you play the chameleon and try to portray who you think you should be instead of who you really are? In which case your anxiety is inevitably going to leak out, and your hesitation – as you constantly second guess everything you’re about to say – will be judged as insecure.
Do you hide? Do you pull out of every social event possible and avoid any encounter that isn’t 100% predictable and comfortable? You’ll be judged for that!
Do you interpret everything as a judgement or criticism of you and immediately get defensive and try to force people to have a different opinion? You’ll be judged for that!
It doesn’t matter what you do, you’ll be judged. But if you fear being judged that’s going to leak out in all sorts of behaviours that cause you to be judged even more!
So not only are you failing spectacularly to protect yourself from being judged, but you’re also sabotaging your success and happiness in pretty much everything!
Confidence is a skill. The trouble is that you’ve gotten very good at a very ineffective confidence strategy. You’ve learnt to rely on the outside-in approach to self worth, instead of the inside-out approach.
To make the necessary shift it’s vital that you let go of your old approach. So understand this…
1. People are always going to judge you! It’s unavoidable!
2. Other people’s judgements say very little about you and everything about them.
Think about it…
If you’re overly concerned with how you look, what do you pay attention to, compare yourself to, and judge in other people? How they look!
If you learnt to totally and completely love and accept yourself, do you think you’d feel the need to judge, pick holes, find flaws, or criticise other people?
If you’re overly concerned with how much money you make or appearing successful, what do you focus on and judge in other people? How much money they make and how successful you think they are!
If you had all the money and success you wanted, or more importantly, if you were living your life’s purpose with passion and you knew with 100% certainty and confidence that you are totally on track, excited about achieving your goals AND loving the journey, do you think you’d feel the need to compare your “success” to others, judge them, or find ways to tear them down to make yourself feel better?!
So you see judgements say very little about the person being judged and everything about the person doing the judging.
Anybody’s opinion of you is based on THEIR beliefs, THEIR values, and THEIR insecurities, NOT YOURS!
As a side note I (Rachel) have been called most names under the sun since I started my career online some 10yrs ago. Sometimes “too fat and too thin” comments on the same image. *Eye Roll*
Since becoming a mother I give even less of a f**k what others think. When you know who you are, what you stand for and where you are going in life there is NO ROOM for jealousy and insecurities.
If you find yourself getting jealous or playing the comparison game remember this is YOUR life, not anyone else’s. You are the Queen of your own life. Support other Queen’s too.
So now that you can finally stop focusing on what other people may or may not be thinking of you, what would you like to turn your attention to instead?!
Rachel & David xxxx
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